Thursday, August 4, 2011

A New Beginning

On August 1st, 2011, I made the decision to change my life. I find it a bit odd maybe even ironic that I started this blog on August 1st, 2009. I'd like to say that so much has changed since then but it hasn't. I'm still struggling with my house, my business, my finances, my weight and fitness, and just my life in general.

To say that I've started another diet really seems redundant at this point but this time is different in many ways. I just paid $35 dollars I really don't have to join a weight loss site ( There's really nothing new about me wasting money or spending money on a pipe dream or thinking I can actually buy the reality I want in my life. I don't think it is a waste of money this time though for several reasons:

1) The site itself is different. It doesn't have all of the bells and whistles that other sites have had but it does have a good solid nutritional plan that is easy to follow and has normal foods and recipes on it. It also advocates fixing most of your food in bulk on Sundays for the rest of the week. That works so well for me since one of my major downfalls is waiting until I'm starving to eat and then grabbing the most convenient thing. With food and ingredients already prepared that most convenient thing can now also be nutritious and low calorie. It also has new exercise videos daily which I've yet to take full advantage of. In my defense on that one, I started the program on Monday with a virus of some sort; one that evidently was shared with my husband, Steve, and my big sister so it is legitimate. The exercise is intended to be done before breakfast which is kind of hard since we get up at 3:45 and I'm fixing breakfast until 4:30 and then we're eating until 5:00. The solution there is feeding Steve and then waiting on my own breakfast at least through the week. This program also has a great bunch of participants who are willing to support, encourage and offer tips and inspiration. And they seem to like me...they really, really like me! You have to imagine that said ala Sally Fields in a high, squeeky very emotional voice to get the full impact. Anyway, they have been supportive and encouraging and inspirational and I already have six new friends, hoorah! And the final reason why I think this program will work?...Not even a week in and I've already lost FOUR pounds!!! Ok, I know it's water weight but 4 pounds is 4 pounds no matter how they go.

2) Number two difference this time around with yet another diet and exercise attempt, I know myself better and I'm far more honest with myself and others. I've already admitted things to those friends and strangers on Reshape the Nation that I've never admitted publicly before and often, not even to myself. One, I'm overweight because I binge eat. I've used many excuses in the past, I don't move enough (because I'm too heavy to move like I use to, duh!), my metabolism has slowed down with age, I have no idea why I keep gaining weight because I eat a healthier diet than any of my family and friends. The truth is, I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I'm angry, stressed, depressed, frightened, just sad or disappointed. I also eat when I'm happy and celebrating, so go figure. And when I eat for these reasons or just to bury my feelings, I tend to binge. I've eaten so much before that I've literally made myself sick. I'll pick up a pack of cookies, a tray of pies, a bag of chips at the grocery and consume the entire container with a diet coke on my way home. Or, I've sat down with something similar in front of the TV and eaten throughout a two hour movie often the equivalent of several meals. You know you have a problem with emotional eating when you feel the need to hide what you're doing from your family, friends, the general public. Number two admission, I started this program on Monday at 120 pounds...and no  that isn't a typo. On my 5 foot 4 inch frame, I think that is considered obese. Number  three admission, I'm now 55 years old. That one isn't really an admission since I've never kept it secret but I think it is still hard for me to admit to myself. The first photo that I put up on the site was of me at 34-35. I said it was for inspiration because that was the size I wanted to be now but truly, that was when I was happiest, that was when I was the kid with the world on a string and the string wrapped around my tiny little finger, that was when I was fit and energetic and ready to take on the world. I know I can't be 35 again, I know I can't turn back time but I also realize that what I want isn't that exact person but that exact lifestyle and the feeling of well being and confidence in all areas of my life that I know being slim, fit and healthy can bring.

 3) The last reason that I think this attempt at achieving all of that is going to work, my mindset has changed. I've gone from letting life run over me and just lying down to die to knowing that I and only I can change my life by changing my attitude. I've taken on two new mojo mottos that I'm trying hard to live my life by now (and I'm sure that I will discuss these more thoroughly in other posts), a quote attributed to Adele Brookman, " Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life." that is in the signature of every email I send out and something my wonderful friend, Renee Fukumoto, said to me, "Start living the life you imagine." I plan to do that.
Me at the beginning, 210 lbs./55
Me at 35 and 125lbs

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