Thursday, September 1, 2011

Day 32

I'd love to see that I'm full tilt back with the program but I'm not. I do think I'm getting a handle on my sleep or the lack of sleep that's been controlling my life for the last few weeks. I took a couple of benadryls before bed time last night and if it hadn't been for the huge bowl of watermelon that I consumed right before that, I think I would have had a great night's sleep. I was up and down going to the bathroom at least six times before 1:00 AM and then the benadryl kicked in making me feel more hyper and groggy than sleepy. I did finally fall asleep so much so that I don't think I ever really woke up after I heard Steve stirring getting ready for work. I packed his lunch and made him a turkey sandwich for his breakfast....as sleepy as I was, he's lucky that he got that and I do admit to a few puzzled pauses as I assembled it. Then I tried to go back to sleep. I watched most of the latest Misfits episode on Hulu and then switched over the Netflix to watch Mad Men. I remember little of Mad Men past the first five minutes. I woke at 9:00 because the phone rang. It was obviously some salesman because they blocked their number. I worked on my email for about twenty minutes, fixed myself breakfast which I ate in front of the TV re-watching the Mad Man episode that I'd slept through earlier, and then decided to watch another for the next 45 minutes. That brings me to here three hours later (I never know how that happens), and I still haven't fed and watered my poor horses. I know they must wonder what's been happening to me for the last two weeks. I am gradually getting better though and getting with the program more even though I'm not leaping in head first this time but gradually dipping my toes in to test the waters. I have been watching what I'm eating more but I have had a few "controlled" slips. I haven't binged for several days and I've been taking short walks every night after the horses are settled in. Steve's been home and has been walking with me. That is a nice change and reminds me of the "good ol' days" when walking or riding our bikes was a nightly ritual. I'd really thought it would be that way with the horses but we've had the pair of geldings that were to be our riding horses for two years now and we've only ridden once. I'm determined to do several things over the next two to three weeks. First, I'm going to start spending at least an extra hour with the horses, grooming them at first and then gradually working into riding again even if I have to do it solo. Second, I'm going to buckle down and hit this house hard. I really want to be downstairs in my studio/workshop carving, painting and making jewelry by the end of next week. Third, I'm going to get in charge of my finances again and get our books both business and personal up to date. Fourth, I'm going to diligently work at learning my Dreamweaver software so that, after I've got at least two weeks' worth of carving finished and ready to pack and ship, I can have the new gallery pages up and ready to go. Fifth, I need to start pushing the magazine again as soon as the website is ready and the ad prices set and I need to start doing that by sending out a press release to as many outlets as I can muster up. Sixth and possibly the most important, I need to start using my diet software again and keeping track of every bite that goes into my mouth, I need to start following the exercise program from the RTN site, and I need to start walking daily and using the weights and other exercise equipment ritually as soon as the room is done and the equipment set up. As for what I need to stop: One) emotional eating Two) procrastination Three) spending as much time as I do sitting in front of this machine especially wasted time playing games on Facebook (we will get into the psychological aspects of that problem later.) I think I am headed in the right direction but I am off to a slow, tentative start. Still, forward movement is always progress and in this case, change is, too.

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