Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Day ?

I've been neglecting this blog, my diet, my exercise, my self for several weeks now....maybe even a month. I guess I haven't wanted to look at it too closely or I would realize how far I'd fallen off track. The honest truth is, although I started this blog and I bought into an online diet/exercise program, I don't think I truly ever committed myself fully to losing weight. I kept saying that I was digging for the underlying causes of my weight gain and I did discover several surprising "secrets" about myself that I'd literally been covering up with fat. But I don't think I ever truly committed to losing weight.

This short movie is deceptively titled, 3 Fast Ways to Lose Weight. Deceptive because there is no fast track to weight loss. It takes commitment to hard work, monitoring what you're eating, moving more, and truly changing your lifestyle so that the weight once lost, stays off. And basically, that is what this video tells you. The keys to losing weight, keeping it off and getting healthier: 1) Nutrition 2) Exercise 3) Lifestyle. 

So, I might just call this Day ONE. I could say, "I think I'll start my new life tomorrow because today is already half over. And after all, it is off to a horrible start. I woke up sluggish and with a horrible headache that kept me immobile for several hours. I really haven't accomplished anything today. So, I'm thinking that besides putting off the diet and exercise that I also just do the minimal amount of chores since the day is already gone. There's just no sense in starting anything major today but I will do good tomorrow. I will accomplish a lot tomorrow and I'll start eating right and walking...." Well, you get the point and I'm being totally honest here, that is the dialog that plays through my head most days. It seems that the days I don't wake up with a headache, sluggish and exhausted are rare. Lately, the days that I do accomplish something feel stressful because I'm so far behind that little victories are never enough and I still end up feeling like a failure. 

I really did appreciate the support and encouragement from that on-line group. They are a great bunch of people and most of them are very dedicated to changing their lives. I don't think I was quite as dedicated and I was using their encouragement to make me feel better when a good swift kick to the seat of my pants might have worked better. 

So, here is the plan: I am going to dust off the software on my laptop (which is currently hooked up to a TV in the kitchen serving up movies and programs to me while I pretend to work in there) that is a great diet monitoring program. I'm going to write down every single bite that goes into my mouth. I think what has made me feel so sick for this past month is how I was eating on my "diet." Yes, it was low fat and low calorie and yes, I was losing weight BUT I got hooked on eating the same thing over and over, blueberries and cottage cheese. It wasn't an unhealthy choice but at the same time it was because of all of the sugars, although complex, and what they were doing to me. My pee actually started to smell sweet and I was afraid I'd developed diabetes! I see my doctor next Monday and I've got a long list of complaints for him. I think many of them are menopause related but others I think are caused by my diet and still others that I need to ask him about. So, I think I'll write everything down so I'll know which are most important and need to be addressed now. Ok, on to number 3 on the list, I keep making excuses for not exercising. I told everyone that I would start walking as soon as Steve bush hogged a path for me around the pastures. Well, he did that three days ago. Do you think I've taken the first step on the trail or even put on my new walking shoes?....No.  Lastly, life style change. I've been putting off living until I lose the weight. I've been putting off living until I finally get my house remodeled and pulled back into livable shape. I've been putting of living until I look like I did twenty years ago. Ok, that last one just ain't gonna happen! However, the point is, none of them are going to happen at least not until I do start living again. I can draw up all of the plans in the universe and say to myself, "Ok. This is like boot camp. Starting tomorrow, every minute of every day is going to be accounted for and you're going to work your butt off and make progress and I've got this mapped out for the next three months! No, go!" I end up staring at the list and revising the list and being disappointed in myself for not accomplishing anything on the list and feeling sad because I can't be happy until the list is done and I realize now, I'm just one more day behind on my goals. While I admit that goals are accomplished through planning and hard work, this all or nothing plan is evidently not working for me so I think it's time I drop it. I think a plan is needed and maybe even a list but it has to be more flexible. No more writing and scratching out and simply destroying my calendar because I can't meet these self imposed dead lines. I don't think Super Woman could do what I expect of myself. So, I'm drawing up a new plan, a new list, which gives me more time and has "fun" things added in that I force myself to do. Isn't that a funny concept? I'm forcing myself to have fun and relax occasionally. I don't mean just goof off. I'm a pro at that. I can veg in front of the TV with the best of them. No, I'm thinking up things that I would love to do or either currently enjoy doing or use to enjoy doing and I'm going to force myself to do at least one fun thing a day. 
Now, that sounds like a plan to me and I feel better already!

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