Thursday, May 3, 2012

TRUTHS

I'm off to the grocery store and plan to buy all of the ingredients for those two vegetarian recipes listed below. We'll still probably have stir fry tonight because I have broccoli and mushrooms that need cooking. I might "splurge" and cook the spaghetti squash for my lunch. I just can't decide if I want pesto or marinara sauce on it. I'm going to do my best to start taking photos of my culinary efforts.

Day three of my positive affirmation pact on DHC. One of the people participating in the pact with me answered my reminder this morning by saying, "I'm doing this but it is so hard." My reply to her is below and I hope she found it helpful and supportive. It is very honest and that is another hard task that I'm trying to keep. It's not that I'm usually a liar. No, in fact, I'm a horrible liar who always ends up admitting the truth in my interpersonal relationships unless the truth will hurt someone and then I try to at least embellish or cushion it as much as possible. My lack of honesty is in my relationship with myself and also admitting my insecurities and faults to others. I'm realizing though, as I said in my response, that we write our own truths in a way and I can make myself believe what I want to and eventually, I will live that truth.

Here is my response, "I know, Linda. It can actually be painful at first. I'm giving myself affirmations to try to become more productive and organized. Last year, I had some health problems and my already disorganized life became even more so as I let many tasks go undone.  I feel like a complete failure and lazy most days because I keep giving up on tasks before I finish them...and sometimes before I even start. It's all become a bit overwhelming. When I say those positive affirmations in the morning, my head keeps saying, "No, you won't accomplish anything today. You will fail just like you always do. You are just going to be farther behind than ever by the end of this day. You will neglect your work, your horses, your house, your family and yourself because you always do. You are a useless failure." I know that sounds harsh but if I'm being honest, that's the self dialogue that goes on in my head whether I realize that I'm listening to it or not. Why even start something when I know I'm doomed to either quit or fail? So, it is actually hard to listen to those positive affirmations that I'm now giving myself not only every morning but every time I stop in front of a mirror during the day: I am capable, I am enthusiastic, I am energetic, I am fearless, I am strong, I am creative and I will accomplish something today! It's long but it's becoming my mantra already and although this beginning can be painful, I'm already starting to believe those words just a little bit. I'm beginning to have hope that I will be able to pull my life back in order and balance, one step at a time, one day at a time, one task at a time. So, please, keep saying those affirmations every day. I know how it can hurt or even feel a bit scary but I truly believe that we will start to believe those words by the end of this month. We will have a new truth in our lives! No matter what your negative thoughts or challenges and I know they are different with each of us, we believe what we choose to believe and we live the way we tell ourselves to live. We are all worth the effort, we are all capable of change and progress, we are all beautiful and perfect just the way God made us and by the first of June, I think we will all believe those truths if we just keep reminding ourselves every day of how great we really are!"

Oh, on a very positive note, I was down another pound on the scales this morning! Whoohoo, yahoo, ladeedada! I think I will make Thursday mornings my regularly scheduled weigh in day.

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