Wednesday, March 20, 2013

DHC Challenge for today: Share 1 way you could update or bring back a tradition you used to enjoy.

There are several but mainly this challenge has made me think back to a time when we had traditions and enjoyed them. I don't know what's going on with me lately. You'd think life would get easier as you age, that you'd be wiser and more relaxed, that you'd actually appreciate each precious moment spent with loved ones more. But somehow, life has gotten more hectic, time speeds by faster, and things that use to bring joy are now just a burden. I've been under some stress lately...can you tell? haha Anyway, I'd like to bring back not only a few of the traditions we had several years ago but the lifestyle that allowed us to occasionally slow down and enjoy time together. Something as simple as our daily bike rides or walks or always having Chinese take out for lunch on Saturdays and lingering enjoyably over those lunches. Sunday drives were nice, too. When Steve's dad was alive, he'd spend each Sunday with us and after lunch, we and the dog, Fred, would go for long rides. Our trips were usually to an area Wess remembered from his childhood and he'd tell us how much it had changed and share memories from his youth. He'd had a stroke and wasn't able to enjoy so many of the activities he used to do so he really seemed to relish those rides and so did we. Looking back, they were a precious gift not only to him but to us for the time we shared with him and also with Fred, the funny dog who kept us all entertained on those rides and is now, also gone. We were busy then, too but we seemed to have time for not only the people, creatures and activities that we cared about but also for each other. Now, it seems I have no spare time but I seem to accomplish nothing. It's time that we started setting time aside to have those lunches, take those walks, and spend time with each other and those who are important to our lives. I was thinking this morning about my mother, who will have been gone for 23 years this week. I still miss her but I am grateful for the times we spent together and all of the wonderful memories I have. I need to be making memories again and not just passing time. Sorry for this downer of a post; this challenge really caught me at the wrong or maybe the right time. I hope that my post isn't just depressing but hopeful and I'm hoping that it will inspire us all to start living every moment and spending some time concentrating on what is really important.

I woke up this morning and realized that, for the first time in 23 years, Mama's birthday had passed without me realizing it. I realized this only after I heard someone talking on TV about how they thought of their life as before a loved one's death and afterwards. I recognized myself and my life instantly. I also realized and recognized something else, how Wess's death changed Steve. Both of our lives seemed to have gone into a downward spiral after Wess died 12 years ago and it has taken me this long to realize that Steve was the one keeping my head above water for all those preceding years after Mama died. He kept me going and when he stopped moving forward, too, we both sunk. I had all of these thoughts right before opening my email and finding this challenge from DHC. I'm sure this isn't what they had in mind but it did make me think and hopefully, it will pave the road for me to change and start moving forward again.....or at least treading water, lol I also thought of all of those new projects I took on to make money that ended up just costing money and getting us farther and farther in debt...the source of most of my current stress. I realized that, although I kept getting ideas, having dreams and attempting to start something new, I kept forgetting the most essential ingredient for success of any new venture, me. I wasn't committing myself to those ventures, I was putting in very little real effort other than planning and spending money trying to buy success and I wasn't investing my time and energy. It's no wonder that I failed. I'm hoping that finally realizing this will help me to start moving forward again. I've been staring at all of these trees that have turned into prison bars for so long but now, I think I finally see the forest.

It's odd but I think most people have some event in their lives that change their lives forever and I think with many, it is the death of someone dear to them. There are other things that have become clear to me this morning. I had a lot of resentment toward Steve during those years after my mom passed. I never really voiced it but I felt like he was controlling me and that he'd made it so that I had to rely on him. Looking back, I see that wasn't his intention at all. I did need his support and help and I only resented that fact and not him. I think I owe him not only a thank you but an apology.

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