|Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down....but evidently, not the scale! :(|
THE GOOD NEWS? Well, after a week on a probiotic and adding coconut oil to my diet, I have experienced my first pain free week in what seems like forever! I hope the coconut oil is not responsible for my weight gain. I don't think it is because it mainly just replaced other fat, some of which was not as healthy.
Since I've been feeling so good, my brain has tried to convince me that I can eat foods which I know I can't. So far, I've managed to resist its persuasions but it is wonderful feeling as good as I did in my mid thirties when I was healthy, fit, slender and eating a healthy diet but still anything I wanted....as in the occasional pizza or a biscuit with breakfast that tasted like a biscuit. Still, it is worth the sacrifice to be pain free and have more energy. Now, if my body could just catch up with the way I'm feeling. It would be wonderful to be as active and enthusiastic about life as I was twenty years ago.....and also to fit in those tiny clothes I use to wear. Patience is becoming my new mantra.
I've been discussing this problem with a few friends this morning and I realized something that I hadn't really admitted even to myself. It's just been since I started this diet that I realized how over weight I am. Somehow, the me in my head is a lot slimmer, more youthful and energetic than the person I avoid looking at in photos and mirrors. Crazy as it seems, I think I kept telling myself that something was wrong with those images because that wasn't really me. I think that facing up to the fact that I am over weight and I do need to lose a lot of weight has caused a lot of emotional turmoil for me. And since the weight gain started with my attempt to change my diet and lifestyle for the better a month ago (I've actually put on 15 pounds since the first of March!), I'm wondering if I'm not mentally sabotaging myself to fail. Silly to say that I'm scared but I am. I need to dig deep and figure out exactly what I've been trying to bury, to cover up with all of this weight. It certainly came on with other changes in my life. I think I need to look at that and still maintain the new healthy changes in my life but stop expecting them to produce the weight loss for now. I need to just be content with feeling better and more energetic. I keep telling myself, even if I don't lose the 13 pounds in 13 weeks, by the end of this challenge I will feel better and be healthier for the effort. I just pray I don't keep gaining! lol