Wednesday, July 31, 2013

DAY 6

Okay, it is not quite day 6 yet. Right now, as I type, it is 53 minutes away from being a new day. But My friend Becky Brunton  shared an article with me a few days ago entitled, 30 things you need to start doing for yourself and I wanted to share the 30 things with you, one a day.  Soooo, here is number one,   "1) Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally." You have no idea how that one hits home today. I have someone in my life, someone who has always been a part of my life, and whom I love dearly BUT they are toxic to me. The problem is, they are also sick. I'm thinking perhaps very sick but I don't know because they won't share that. What they will do is hint about it in a very manipulative and controlling way as if their illness is a tool or weapon that they use to force the rest of us to do what they want. I know this behavior all to well because I grew up with it. I guess in many ways that makes me more accepting but I'm closing in on my sixth decade and I'm so tired of playing games. This person and I had an email argument today....how sick is that? By the end of the conversation, they and their motives and intentions were so transparent. And it isn't that I don't sympathize with them, it isn't that I don't care, don't worry and don't love them. In fact, I do feel all of those to the extreme. No, the problem is, I'm tired of the games and manipulation. The sad part is, I don't think they really realize what they're doing any more. It was such a silly argument but it brought out so many buried feelings. My husband listened to my retelling of the entire incident from beginning to end and then he told me the same thing my friend, Renee had earlier, "Stop going to this person seeking approval or concern or support because you are never going to get it. Sure, she has her own agenda and yes she is sick and is using your concern and guilt against you but it's up to you not only how you react but what you share with her or seek from her in the future." I love her but I also need to truly recognize her. I will give her the love I want, an unconditional, non judgemental, and supportive love and I will accept that I can not change her or the fact that she will not give me what I need back, it's just not in her nature. This is the second time I've fallen into this trap. I should have known better. Steve told me that it was just like business, I have to learn to take the emotion out of it. And now, it is 38 minutes until midnight. Good night all.
If I can lose weight, this will be my gift to me.


THE NEXT DAY......I have an emotional hangover from yesterday. I do feel better after talking it all out with a good friend. It's not only good to unburden your heart but to have someone who understands and offers you not only comfort but smiles. My friend made me laugh out loud for real this morning when, after reading the small novella I'd written him outlining yesterday's drama, told me, "Yes,sounds like she doesn't listen to anything you say! Agree with the unconditional love,but just be careful.I had a friend,Byron, who was a snake handler at the Brookfield zoo.He loved them,but after several bites he became very careful around them!" haha, love that analogy. :)

Working on the photo edits from Tuesday's shoot. Don't think I'll be fitting in the other project or cleaning the dining room because I've gotten such a late start today but maybe I can fit some time in for my classes tonight after Steve goes to bed. I did do one positive thing today, I changed to the Walking Track on Me and You Health Daily Challenges. This track looks like so much fun and it will hopefully keep me motivated to get the exercise I need. I will post the challenges to here every day along with my challenges to myself since I will be on this track for the next 30 days just like the challenge to myself that I've started here.
Something to smile about, my great-great nephew, T.J.! Is he not a handsome, happy boy? :)

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