Monday, July 22, 2013

Life

I recently learned that my best friend since I was a little girl is dying. She has perhaps 6 months to live at best and to even say at best knowing what pain and discomfort she is in.....well. I'm still having a hard time dealing with it. I'm trying my best to take the emphasis off of how I'm feeling about it and putting my energy into helping her as much as I can. I try to make her laugh. I try to let her know how loved she is and occupy her mind with happy, distracting thoughts. All the time, my heart is breaking but maybe it just means that my heart will be stronger, warmer, more open, more loving because of this beating. I keep asking why but I also keep saying the Serenity Prayer and hoping that I can accept this thing I can not change. If you've reached a certain age, you understand too well all of the things I'm going through. This is life, like it or not, ready for it or not and as much as it can scare and hurt us, times like this just point out to me how important it is to really live each day, each moment. My grief some days is overwhelming but still, it is like when I lost my mom, despite the extreme heartache, I felt grateful that I'd had someone like her in my life for nearly 35 years. So it is with my friend Candis, I wouldn't take back one bike wreck, one skinned knee, one run to the snowball stand or one game of baseball played with all of the neighborhood kids. I wouldn't take back her impromptu visits over the years or the fact that she is the one friend who never acted the least concerned if my house was a mess. She'd just go get a glass out of the cupboard and get herself a glass of water or tea and sit on the porch or in the floor with me and laugh. I'm going to miss her, I already do but I'm going to remember her, too, and with joy and gratitude for the friend I've had since I was twelve and how warmly she welcomed the new kid on the block.
 

No comments:

Post a Comment