Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Rule for today: Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made.  People and priorities change.  As some relationships fade others will grow.  Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.  Trust your judgment.  Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

I can't write much today because I'm very upset. Someone I love has shut me out of their lives. They are very sick and they said that I hurt them really badly by mentioning another friend who is very ill and they just couldn't get over that insult. I don't understand because, if I said something hurtful, it was said out of ignorance of the facts not with intent. A lot has to do with this person's personality and less about me but still, I'm terribly, terribly hurt and feeling guilty at the same time even though I never intended to hurt them. They won't allow their daughters to speak with me either which hurts even more because these girls, now women, have always been more like little sisters to me. Yet that brings me to today's rule and something a wise friend said to me, I have the friends in my life right now that I need and maybe it is best to just abide by this other's wishes and stay away at least for a while. That started me thinking about how odd it is that I've had several extraordinary people come into my life in the last year. I'm so very close to them and they seem to understand me so well. I spoke with both of them today and feel so much better for it. But a year ago, I was actually wondering why I was being blessed with these extraordinary friends. When my best friend, who's like a sister to me, was diagnosed with inoperable cancer a few months ago, I thought these friends must be sent to me to help me get through this but Candis, bless her, is doing that herself. She is going out of this life with as much grace and as kind a heart as she's always had and she's helping the rest of us cope. No, I think very few things happen by accident. I'm not saying that God planned this but He is all knowing, all wisdom and despite the free will we're given, I think He probably saw this coming way before I did. So, if I'm exiled from my family, I will make new family, I will lean more on Steve who is always there for me and I will continue to pray for this other while I do everything I can to make my dear friend Candis comfortable and loved in her final days. My heart is breaking today, I've cried all day. I've cried for Candis, I've cried for me and I've cried for the other. I have to admit that I'm angry, too. It doesn't feel good to be unjustly accused but I also can have empathetic understanding. If she needs me to be her punching bag, I will serve that purpose. 

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