Monday, August 26, 2013

Sorry to have skipped a few days but it was a very busy weekend. I had my first wedding shoot on Saturday. My nerves kept me up the entire night sick but in the end, all went well. Not to say that there weren't bumps in the road but it looks as if I have plenty of good shots to start editing today!

A family reunion with Steve's family on Sunday brought us together with some new friends and family and others that we haven't seen since we were young. It was so much fun, the food was delicious and we laughed a lot. I'd woken up to a horrible dream where my sister and her girls had just left a bowl of things I'd given to them sitting on my truck and I was watching them back their car away from me as I cried and they just stared silently, coldly back at me. Wouldn't Freud have a field day with that one? I woke up heartbroken. It seems that every morning I wake up with a feeling of dread, fearing what the day will hold. That is a terrible way to start the day. Still I say my gratitudes and then pray for my sister and others that I love who are in need of comfort, healing and peace. And I do the 11 breaths meditation that my friend Jacki gave to me. And pray again that I might find a new consciousness and new perspective to alleviate some of this pain and heaviness in my heart. Yesterday morning, the heaviness seemed worse than usual, most likely because of the dream, and I wasn't wanting to go to the reunion at all. In the end, I'm so happy that I decided to go. It was wonderful to be surrounded by so much love. All of those hugs and kisses were very healing.

Okay, we are all the way up to RULE Number 23 and this one applies so much to me. I think my current difficult to impossible relationship with my family is at least partly to blame on the fact that I have always been such a Pollyanna. I want my life and the people in it to be perfect. I don't mean that I expect perfection from them actually. What I want is them to be who I imagine/perceive them to be, not perfect but a perfected version of themselves.... if that makes any sense at all. People are seldom who we want or hope them to be. They don't always return the love we give to them. They often misinterpret our words and actions or doubt our motives. After my mom passed away, I expected my family to remain but it really hasn't, it started dissolving almost immediately but sadly it's taken me 23 years to realize that my mama was always the glue that held us together. Without her, it seems that the good that was in each of us, the good that was all her influence began to fade away. Oh well, enough soul searching for one day. It's time for rule number 23...... Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’  One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are.  Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal.  No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.

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