Sunday, September 29, 2013

Rule 10 from the list, 30 Things to STOP Doing to Yourself: Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. 

I don't think I do this although I'm sure I did in the past. I think this statement is true of a lot of young girls who so desperately want someone to care about them. They are willing to change themselves to try to be who they think the other person wants. I think that a lot of women never out grow this trait. I have someone dear to me who has gone from one bad relationship to another with manipulative and abusive men because she thought if she loved them enough, if they loved her enough, they would change. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. There is a Bonnie Raitt song that says, "How do I expect them to love me when they can't even love themselves?" So, the problem perpetuates. If this is you, stop now and start loving yourself. You are the only person you can change. If you love yourself, you will know that you deserve to be loved by someone else and you won't have to change them or yourself to make that happen.

I just realize that I do do this and have done it my entire life, it just doesn't always involve a "love interest" with me. It has to do with my family and how I created this perfect scenario in my mind of who they are, who we are as a family and who I am. It was all made up and not matter how much I tried, I much I imagined, it wasn't going to happen. I love them but they aren't perfect and neither am I. But the good news, I've figured out what to do about it and what to do about my embarrassing brain lapses(see story at the end) When faced with a situation that you can't do anything about, find something you can do something about and that's exercise. I've decided, after yesterday's embarrassing "brain lapse," that I'm going to start working out again. It's always what's helped in the past, exercise, yoga, and meditation. When there are situations I can't control (which seems to be most these days, lol), I work on something I can control, something where I have complete control. It's funny that I haven't done this before but I guess I just wasn't ready to change. I kept waiting for situations to change and that, of course, wasn't going to happen. So, now, I need to take charge again. Now, the brain lapse story.......I embarrassed myself so badly yesterday. First, I've been doing some strange things lately. I'd think that I was losing my mind but I know from past experience that these "brain lapses" I've been having are because of stress. I lost my best friend a few weeks ago and when she was dying, a sibling decided to throw a little fit on me...okay, it was a big, major fit which ended in her telling me to get out and stay out of her life. The family upset came at the worst possible time when I already felt as if I was just hanging on by a thread emotionally and my sister snipped that string. I've had some strange lapses lately but the most embarrassing came yesterday when I walked into a reception being held for our retiring mailman...that I've known for 30 years! And I suddenly thought, I won't be able to recognize him, I don't know any of these people. I know that sounds crazy but for a few minutes, I felt completely lost and that was enough time for me to walk up to a complete stranger, shake his hand and tell him I'd miss him!!!! I wish you'd seen the look on his wife's face! lol....Then, I turn around and see some friends and then my very familiar mailman who thankfully hadn't seen my humiliating mistake. Like I said, I would think I was becoming senile or total breakdown but I remember similar.... if not so embarrassing..... things that happened 23 years ago when I lost my mom. ..........

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