Tuesday, September 3, 2013

We just finished the 30 Things to START Doing for Yourself and now, we begin the 30 Things to STOP Doing To Yourself. I've been taught lately just how much alike we all are. Most of us struggle with insecurities and a lack of self confidence. Most of us are afraid of failure. All of us have our own trials and tribulations to deal with and our smiles often mask our heartbreak. All the more reason not only to be kind to others but to ourselves. This 30 days of change will be one where we change or stop bad habits. So, to get us started, here is RULE 1: Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends......Amen on Rule One! I've learned this first hand lately and I'm not going to say that it was easy. It hurt like hell to be honest. I still love this person dearly, I still worry about her and she is constantly in my prayers but it was literally making me sick with anxiety over her rejection of me. I went through a lot of soul searching. One minute, I'd be angry because I thought she was being unnecessarily cruel, unfair and her anger was unjustified and not based on the truth but what she wanted to hear and believe. Then I would feel guilty because she is very sick and I knew that the anger she was directing at me was really her anger and frustration at the sickness. I was feeling a tangle of emotions, hurt, fear, concern as well as the anger and guilt. I finally realized that I was only hurting myself and no amount of worry or anxiety was going to change the situation and that all I would accomplish with it was making myself sick. There were friends, gifts from God, who rallied around me, supported me, loved me. And I began to realize, that it didn't matter how much I loved her, I was never going to get the love I wanted, needed returned to me. I decided that it was her choice not wanting me in her life and if my attempts at love hadn't won her over and changed her mind, my words or worries weren't going to even make a dent in the wall she'd put up between us. I had no choice but to move on and once I realized that, my tension eased, my worry left, and I felt renewed and alive. I saw a quote today that sums up the way I felt as I decided to move forward with my life: "There comes a time when you just know that you've got to trust, believe and completely let go. You may feel as if you're falling....but when you really open your eyes, you will realize that you're flying!"

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