Monday, April 28, 2014

A New Day- A New Question????

The question of the day today was: if you could be any age in your life for one week, what would it be?

My 30s were the best of times and the worst of times for me but that was my favorite decade and one, if I didn't have to go through losing my mom all over again which was the worst of times part, I'd love to be in my 30s forever. I was fit, slim, active, productive, finding success with my work, traveling, experiencing new things, feeling great and having fun. Now.......well now I am not..........I am not fit, I am not slim, I am not active, productive or finding success with my work, and I'm certainly not traveling or experiencing new things and I rarely have fun. I have a year and a half left in this decade and I'm ready for a change but I don't want to get older for that to happen, lol. I want to change me now so that when I'm 90 (which I hope to be one day), I can look back and say, "You know, I think the 60s were a pretty great decade but right now ain't bad either." But still, for a week, I'm picking 32 because I was all of those things and still had Mama, with me and in reasonably good health.

With that being said, I need to figure out a truly viable plan for achieving all of those things again. I can't keep living in the past but I also can not keep living like this. Just last night, I was at a dinner I hadn't wanted to attend because I've been just so bone tired, depressed and anti-social lately, a friend turned to me and asked, "What have you been doing lately to stay busy?" I started answering her, "Planning my high school class's 40th reunion.....on my own! Also, working with a dear friend who is doing a charity run for cancer care. He's fantastic, has had cancer for 8 years and currently undergoing chemo treatment but he's running 113 miles for this cause but I've realized if this cause and run are going to get promoted, publicized, off the ground and actually bringing in contributions, it's up to me." Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to do it, especially with that last one, but my friend then asked another question or really more or less scolded me, "That's great helping others but what I meant was, what are you doing to make money? You are so talented with your art, your photography, your writing but you have to stop giving those talents away!" Then she asked, "What plans do you have to make money from your talents and why aren't you doing it now. I started making the usual excuses: once my studio is finally redone and working, once I'm more organized, once I finish all these other tasks, even once I'm in better shape and more energetic...........then something struck me so hard that it nearly knocked the breath out of me..........despite none of those prerequisites being done, I've been working almost nonstop for the last four years or so; I just have not been paid for my time, effort or talents! Why is that? I say other under value me but that isn't it. People are just happy to get something for nothing and since I'm their friend, nothing is the price they think they should pay. It's not so much they who have been undervaluing me and my work..........it's ME!!!!!!!! I'm the culprit, I'm the villain in my own life, I'm my own worst enemy. I have to gain the confidence to set my price and stick with it, to value myself and set a fair price but one worthy of all I put into the work I do.

So, what's the plan.....how do you build confidence?


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