Friday, April 4, 2014

Okay, I definitely have some catching up to do but today will not be the day I do that since I'm still struggling to finish my taxes and today is the deadline. It might not be the deadline-deadline but it is the day I promised my accountant that I'd deliver all those calculated numbers so they can finish and file for us. So, this will be short and copied from my Facebook posts....in case the following looks a bit strange.

I've been asking questions of my friends on Facebook. Today, probably as a form of procrastination from finishing these taxes, I posted the following....I will also include one of the answers from a friend and my response.

MY QUESTION: With Sadie glued to my side because of the storm, I think a good question for today is, what are you afraid of? If you've overcome that fear, how did you feel? When I was little, I was afraid of the dark and afraid of heights. I've been told that, when they brought me home from the hospital, I was good until they put me to bed at night and then I would scream bloody murder. Finally, someone realized that I stopped crying as soon as the light came on. Odd to be born with a fear but the fears I have now have nothing to do with darkness or heights. Since my mom's death, all of my fears have to do with either losing control or things over which I have no control. I have a tendency to think of every possible thing that could go wrong in any situation and often the fear that develops keeps me stagnant. I am getting better. It's a matter of faith and trust. The fear I had was paralyzing but when I finally learned to stop over analyzing every thing and to trust, the feeling of liberation, freedom was amazing...and also the feeling of accomplishment. So, what do you fear. Is your fear like mine, basically fear of the unknown or is it fear of some real threat or an item or activity that is very real?

MY FRIEND, JIM'S RESPONSE: I was terrified of the water, learning how to swim...everything about it, so I learned to sail, got my Captain's License, became a diving instructor and spent thousands of hours under the water....I dont know why either, but you asked

MY RESPONSE: Wow, Jim! That was really facing your fears. I really admire you. I forgot about my fear of water....well not really water but drowning since I can't swim. I've tried many times to learn how to swim with little success. And then things happen, like the time I was snorkeling and far from shore in deeper water, my snorkel broke.....just fell apart. I panic and start swimming as fast as I can toward shore. I end up yelling, help me, help me and then realize......as two strangers standing on shore stare at me as if I'm insane..... that I'm only in a few feet of water by that time. Soooo, there is the humiliation factor also but I'm used to that. Cut myself on the reef I ended up on but other than that, unharmed but still, that was my last time even attempting to snorkel or swim.

2ND RESPONSE & MY REALIZATION: Just realizing how much of my life I've wasted being scared of so many things. Still not going snorkeling again at least any time soon. I mean, that can kill you...especially the way I do it, lol. But, it all goes back to the best advice anyone gave me. It's two pieces of advice actually and both from my friend who just celebrated his 90th b'day yesterday. Huston once told me about my constant worry over everything and the many bad outcomes I imagined, "You know, things can just as easily turn out good as bad." And the other bit of advice, "Just stay in the saddle, Sande!" That applies to a lot more than riding and certain affect my habit of baling when the ride got bumpy.

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