Monday, June 30, 2014

The challenge for today was to reflect on how your personality has changed as you've aged. My answer:
My friend and I were just talking about this. We both said that we care less what other people think of us and we are becoming a little bit selfish when it comes to our own feelings and needs. Don't get me wrong, if someone needs us, we will both be there helping and caring BUT I'm tired of being swept up in other people's drama. I've learned (finally!) to recognize the type who will use you for their own selfish needs and then toss you aside. I've wasted far too much precious life not only trying to cater to these people but taking to heart their opinions of me. I use to live my life concentrating my energies on making everyone else happy. As I become not just older but old, I see too clearly how short and precious life is and not only am I going to try to fill every day with happiness if at all possible, I don't intend to allow others to steal my joy.

I can't say that anything I've done in my life was a waste of time or that any painful experience was without benefit. I think all experience has a purpose in our growth and learning. The last year of my life has been extremely painful. At times, it seemed unbearable but then, I was made aware that my problems were minor compared to so many and there was something I could do about my situation, at least parts of it. I could not bring back my dear friend who passed away. I could not and would not want to forget the time I got to spend with her before her passing. And I certainly am appreciative of the lessons learned during that experience. I made mistakes. I often stumbled awkwardly not knowing what to say, what to do. But I learned a valuable lesson, sometimes the answer to all questions is LOVE. There are times that is all we can do, all we have to give. I'm a fixer. I've always wanted to make life right for everyone, settle disputes, ease pain but there are times that is impossible. Sometimes, all you can do is love and remain silent when words offer no solution. So, painful as it was, losing my friend taught me lessons that I hope have made me a far better person. Just as having her for a friend always made me a better person. Now, the others who tried their best to prey upon me during that difficult time and make my life miserable, they are the ones that I can do something about. What I choose to do is ignore them and as I said above, stay out of their self imposed drama. Getting involved in that is a no win situation especially when two parties are involved and both want you on their side. I use to stay in the middle and try to resolve these situations but now I know to retreat all the way to the cheap seats. To be honest, I don't even want to watch. I think I'll go treat myself to an ice cream instead and leave them to fight their own faux battles of pride and jealousy, selfishness and control. Good riddance!

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