Friday, June 27, 2014

The Positive and the Negative go to War

The weight goes up, the weight goes down....the weight goes up again. Yesterday, I was a slug. I think I'd pushed too hard the day before. I ended the day with a 3000 step deficit from the desired 10,000. So, at 10pm, I decided to make that up. For 45 minutes, I ran in place, did squats and lunges and generally just kept moving and pushing until I made up the steps. Yay, good for me!....right? Well, it seemed so at the time but the next morning, I felt like I'd been hit by a big Mac truck! I was exhausted partially because, after all of that exercise and exertion, I could not sleep the night before. Like my weight, my sleep has been on roller coaster, too. I was miserable the entire day and didn't even come close to making that step goal. Evidently, I needed a day off because last night, I was in bed the earliest that I've been in a month and I fell asleep almost immediately and slept until 7:30 this morning. I actually got nearly seven hours hours of sleep. That is a record breaker. Steve told me that I probably needed a day of rest. I do feel great this morning BUT my weight is up nearly two pounds! I haven't worked out since that bad bug I had in April. I think going without food and little water for a week really did a job on my poor body. I had been walking every day and beginning to run before the illness but since, I've been the aforementioned slug every single day. That's why I was so proud of myself for taking the matter in hand and starting not only a healthy diet but also beginning to move again. I'd said I was going to take it slow but my ego took over. When I started wearing the Fitbit, it did inspire me to move but that daily goal of 10,000 steps kept taunting me. If I spent most of my day on my feet walking, it might be easy. The day I had errands to run in between my morning and evening walks, it wasn't that hard to make the required steps. But doing 6000 steps at one time when you are as out of shape as me, kind of insanity. I should be out there walking now but I slept so late that now it is starting to heat up outside. I know it may not feel that hot to some of you at 10am but you don't live in East Tennessee. The humidity here can smother you and make 85 feel like 105. So, all excuses aside, I may cowgirl up and head on out there so I'm not once again trying to make up for what I didn't do at the end of the day. I just finished my second week on the diet yesterday and I just added exercise into the mix a week ago. So, I know my body is still adjusting and even though my energy levels, my sleep, my emotions and my weight are still fluctuating wildly, they will eventually find a balance. I just hate feeling like this but this is the point where I've always given up in the past and I'm not going to do that this time. I have errands to run today and my last stop will be the grocery store to stock up on more veggies and other low cal supplies for the next week. I do feel better with the new diet so I can stick with it. It is hard not to get discouraged when I get on that scale. I also am hating how my body looks right now. There's a little voice in my head that keeps saying, "You're never going to look any better and even if you lose the weight, you will look old and saggy and haggard." It's hard to talk back to that little voice or even ignore it because I don't really know what weight loss will bring at my age and that scares me. So, I keep telling myself what I know I will gain......... energy and vitality, renewed joy and enjoyment of life, less pain in my joints, strength, alertness and concentration, better sleep, better mood, better health. Sure, I won't look like I did at 34 but maybe being fitter and healthier will help me to deal with the inevitable effects of aging. 

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