Monday, July 21, 2014

I recently realized how much drama someone close to me was bringing to my life. I put up with it for so long because I thought it was the "right thing to do," turning the other cheek and smiling dutifully as I was slapped again and again. But I'm getting older and not only far less tolerant but much more aware of my own needs and happiness. They finally laid that last straw that broke this camel's back. I borrowed the phrase, not my circus-not my monkeys and I walked away. Not easy to do with someone who was an important part of my life for my entire life but since I pulled back from them, my life is peaceful and calm without the constant drama making and criticism of others and I'm far more confident without the constant criticism of me. I realized that turning the other cheek just means, don't fight back. I think valuing yourself enough to turn and walk away is a viable and fruitful option.

I'm also learning to let the resentment and anger go. My husband told me a few days ago, the question isn't why they treated you the way they did because it's obvious that was all about them. The question is, why you put up with it for so long and why you never fought back or why you kept trying to please them and why you didn't just walk away years ago? When I look at it that way....and once I get past the anger at myself...... I feel a wonderful release because I can let the anger go. I don't know if it's really forgiving because I'm not releasing them from blame but I am releasing myself from the clutches of resentment.

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