Thursday, July 17, 2014

Spend a few moments thinking about what motivates you to reach one of your goals.
I've been working at losing weight and getting fit but the motivation isn't just the obvious health benefits. I use to be an in charge kind of person. I was always on top of every aspect of my life: health and fitness, career, home/house and family/friends. Somewhere around fifteen years ago, that all changed. Over those years, all aspects of my life have become a bit overwhelming. Where I'd been use to a life where all parts ran like clockwork, gradually it seemed as if one part got out of time and then another and then another until they all fell down like dominos. I use to be so active and now I'm mainly sedentary. I stopped trying, I stopped putting in the effort and in many ways it just seems that I've stopped period. That's hard for me to admit especially being the type A, workaholic that I use to be. So, the basis of my motivation is getting my life back or at least a life back since I'm quickly realizing that everything takes a lot more effort and a lot more time than it did twenty-four years ago when I was really in my prime. But the reason for the exercise and transformed diet being the starting point is that I know I will not only have a great sense of accomplishment and motivation with each goal I meet but I will also be gaining strength, endurance and energy that will help me to not only set goals in the other sections of my life but also achieve those goals. Also, I learned a great truth in the past year. Someone I trusted and loved betrayed me and hurt me deeply. It took some time but eventually, I was able to see that this person's behavior wasn't something new but part of a lifetime of emotional abuse. I spent way too much time thinking about, concerned about why she'd hurt me and why she felt the way she did about me until the day when my husband said, "It doesn't really matter why she treated you the way she did. What matters, what the question is is, why did you let her do it for so long? Why did you accept the abuse?" I realized with that question that I had allowed it to happen because I was continually seeking her love and acceptance so I kept turning the other cheek over and over again. I knew in that moment that if I learned to truly love myself, I wouldn't need to seek love and acceptance from others. I also realized that I'd spent my entire life up to that point trying to please everyone and trying my best to keep them happy somehow thinking their happiness was more important than my own. I decided then that I had to start putting myself first and looking after myself because no one else was going to. That's the day I started exercising again. It has been a gradual start because getting my body back in shape is somewhat secondary to convincing my mind that I'm 58 not 28. I keep pushing too hard and then paying for that punishment for days afterwards. But I do keep going and every time I fall, I get back up and go again. My goal is to be back to my "fighting weight" by the end of this year. I don't know if I can make that but each day that I get back out there and make myself walk whether I feel like it or not is a victory and each day, it gets a little easier. Eventually, I will add other exercise and hopefully some running but for now, I'm going to be proud of myself just for making the effort each day. 

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