A friend just respond to my post about writing your own script. She said that it shocked her that I felt that way about my life. She said that even back in high school, she'd thought I had it all together. She told me to move forward. That is what I'm trying to do now.
I wrote a response to her response saying that I appreciated her words but I was shocked because I would never have considered that my life would appear pulled together by anyone. It's funny how others see us versus how we think they see us and how we see ourselves.
My doctor sent me to a therapist years ago, after my father's death, because I was having nightmares that kept me up most of the night. One day, the therapist asked what I'd done over the weekend. I told her that we'd gone to the mountains biking. I also told her about this couple we encountered on the bike trail. I saw them as perfect people. She asked what I meant by perfect people. I said, you know the kind of people that look like they have it all together. You just know by looking at them that their lives are ideal. The therapist started laughing. I asked why she was laughing and asked, "Surely you don't think I'm one of those people?!" She replied with a smile, "You might be surprised by how many people see you and your life that way." That not only shocked me, it stupefied me because I could in no way correlate my crazy, mixed up, messed up life in anyway to the word perfect. I've decided that I will aspire to the perfect life but not someone else's idea of what that is. I will start making me and my life my ideal or at least strive for that because I know perfect is not obtainable. But, if I'm trying my best and enjoying the ride, that's all that really matters.